Advice Column on: How to Survive and Live Happily in a Household of Blended Families
Blended family: A family consisting of a couple and their children from this and all previous relationships.
Chipped Diamond would like to introduce the newest writer of our team, Stigma Momma, she is a working mother, wife, sister-mom, friend; and an expert on blended families, here to give you advice on your not-so-uncommon blended family situation.
A message from Stigma Momma:
To start off, I would like to say that I respect and understand that everyone will not agree with my opinion or my way of doing things. However, there comes a point in our lives, as parents, when we have to make sacrificial decisions to do what is truly in the best interest of our children.
Though I did not always welcome them, I’ve learned to allow my experiences to help me grow as a woman, mother and wife. I started this column because I KNOW I’m not the only woman who’s been in this position. Hopefully, my “NEW NORMAL” can inspire peace in someone’s baby-mama-drama.
Let’s dig into my history a bit…
In 2008, I found out I was pregnant with my second child. It was considered to be a high-risk pregnancy, and I was bedridden until my due date. This, obviously, was very stressful time for me.
The father of my child (D) was as supportive as he knew how to be; however, he couldn't keep his women under control -- I received several phones calls, messages, and all kinds of nonsense from them. This was not something I was accustomed to, NOR was I going to learn to be. I called D up and told him he needed to keep his hoes on a leash. Though he denied any knowledge of it, the phone calls stopped.
Several months went by and I gave birth to a handsome baby boy—Dean.
I'm not sure if you are ready for this, but here it goes......
Can you believe that D asked for a paternity test!!!!!! As irate as I was, I couldn’t really blame him… When our son was conceived, we were just "friends with benefits” (Naturally I would have a more precise terminology for that, but wouldn’t want to have to mark this whole post as explicit just for using the “f” word only one time. LOL). We women act so shocked when men ask for a paternity test, But let’s be real-- if we could ask for one, we would too. Who wants to pay for a baby that isn't theirs, male or female? I'm just saying.
After D found out that he was 100% the father, he expressed that he didn’t want to only be able to visit Dean at my house, but he wanted Dean to visit him too. Naturally, I was a little hesitant. This process didn't happen overnight and before I came to a decision, he mentioned to me that he was in a relationship with a woman and that they lived together. "OH HELL NO!" was my initial thought—I mean, like for real for real, now you have “whole girlfriend,” and you expect me to let my son just come over????? But, I had to put my big-girl-panties on and make that sacrificial-decision that I was telling you about earlier. That day and I asked D to give her my number.
She and I set up a date so I could meet "the girlfriend”. I needed to meet this woman, if she was going to be part of my son’s life. We are both from D.C., so of course, we met at "The Wharf."
D’s mother came along to support “the girlfriend”, and my mommy (yes, I said mommy) came along for my sake. Surprisingly, things went AMAZINGLY well. I thanked her for meeting with me, and we also got a chance to talk privately.
As we got closer, we started to see some resemblances. SHE LOOKS JUST LIKE ME!!!!!! I swear, often times people ask if we are sisters. We didn't know what we were getting into, but, we made a pact that we would ride this thing out and that Dean was our common ground.
I’ve come to respect and love my Baby Momma so much!! (BTW, “Baby Momma” is actually my name for her on my phone, and it is how we introduce each other to our friends).
Not every woman can do what we did, but we saw past the BS and decided to make the “STIGMA” of the baby-MOMMA-drama HISTORY!
Got a question for Stigma Momma? Please email her at firstname.lastname@example.org