Stop crying, it’s Valentine’s Day, not the end of the world, either way there’s nothing wrong with being single. For all of you that have been crying in corners because you and your so-called siggy don’t have a relationship that seems to be marriage bound-you may need to stop crying and get-up off your ass and get as far away from that not-so-compatible-siggy as possible! You have been forcing yourself to deal with a non-compatible person for comfort purposes. Most non-working relationships are no reflection of an individual’s character but just confirmation that the two shouldn’t be (Unless of course your relationship is fairly new and you haven’t had enough time to develop a bond that would give you all of the factors that deem your relationship potentially engagement-ready. If that is the case this by no means applies to you). But to all you others that been living on La Nina, La Pinta, and the Santa Maria, let me be the first to tell you that it There’s nothing wrong with being single, not even on Valentine’s Day.
1) No one just randomly asks you, ” [sigh] What are you thinking?”
Whiskey Tango Foxtrot! Who the hell started saying that and why???? You just sitting on the edge of the bed enjoying some good ‘ol trashy, shouldn’t be on TV reality show, and you look up cuz’ your siggy wants to know what you are thinking. Ugggg Seriously? “Well…uhh”… I am thinking that Natalie may not run LA but she sure do run all the girls in the house.” Wut…what do you want from me? Sheeesh!
2) Food for One
When you grocery shop (or not for that matter), you only have to shop for one! ONE kind of cereal, ONE kind of salad dressing, and ONE kind of sauce for those cook at home nuggets that you are about to put in the oven. You know the ones that you tried to throw in your cart real quick so no one will see. And after you cook them, you better make sure that you get rid of the box IMMEDIATELY cuz you might be having company. Why not, YOU are single.
3) You ARE the Story
Instead of having to wait to go to work the next day and IM and email to hear what fun and exciting things your single friend(s) did the night before. You will be the one not only providing the story but actually living the time of your life! If you decide to go to Up and Up, cool, Recess, cool. (YES THOSE ARE SHOUT OUTS) You can do whatever you like, whenever you please. You do not have to censor yourself out of respect for anyone but yourself…that’s right- you are the STORY! by the way call me and let me know what you doing tonight. lol
4) Your friends ONLY
Have you ever wondered how in the hell, your siggy is such a good, beautiful person, and they just hang out with the most unperson-able, ignorant, manipulating, using, whining ass friends you have ever seen???Well, when you are single, your ignorant, manipulating, using whining ass friends will be the only ones you have to deal with.
5) “The peak of the plateau phase of the sexual response cycle, characterized by an intense sensation of pleasure…” can happen as often as you please!
That’s right people you can have as many orgasms and courtasms you can literally get your hands on! You don’t need permission, make your own decisions, you can just go for the gusto baby, all day long, all day strong. If you like, you can also partake in the sexual smorgasbord that is Washington DC , and hook up with whoever you want, when you want, as often as you want. And, the opposite also applies. Some people don’t have huge sexual appetites, and that is fine. You don’t have anyone begging you for some, and you don’t have to worry whether or not they are going to get it from somewhere else because your libido is low this week (But if that IS you, please refer HERE because boo ya got a problem).
6) Decency is Relative and YOU Define It
Decency doesn’t matter. If you want to leave your clothes all over the apartment and sing loudly and out of tune, no one cares but you and any neglected fish you may still have dying a slow death in that dirty fish tank. You don’t have to walk around holding your stomach in, and trying to find cute outfits to sleep in. If you want to leave the toilet seat up, YAY! no one cares. If you want to leave the toilet seat down, YAY! no one cares. If you’re overly eco-friendly and you want to flush it down if its brown, and let it mellow if its yellow, baby YOU GOT IT!
7) Your embarrassing stuff can be where you need it and not where you have to hide it
Relax! its okay, no one is watching! That Emergency track needle and thread can stay right on the bathroom sink! Athletes foot? Stinky shoes? Toe Fungus? GREAT! Leave that Lamisil right in the bathroom mirror! Use it everyday and don’t forget to take your antibiotics! You don’t have to be embarrassed by your extra absorbent super tampons ANYMORE honey. You are single and able to do what you have to do for you! :)
8) Lack of Ambiguity
You don’t have to worry about the things you don’t know about. A potential siggy could have so many skeletons in his/her closet, and so much baggage right in front of the closet, but you don’t have to open that door because there is nothing in it for you. You don’t have to worry about someone surprising you with a baby, anotha siggy other than yourself, an STD, a surprising TRUE sexual orientation, NADA! What you see is what you get, YOU FIRST! So many people stress over things like this and really pry, its not even necessary. THANK GOD you are single!